“Death, Taxes and…” – NFL Week 3 Picks!

The NFL’s third week is now upon us!

Week two brought lots of defensive games, and week three… will probably bring about the same. This week’s video is a long one, so you’re getting an abridged article to go along with it. Think of this as your quick reference guide to the most analytical, researched and professional football picks on the internet! Never mind the fact that we were drinking the whole time!

RAMS at NINERS

Everybody’s going Rams for this football game, because the Niners offense ain’t got shit on that LA defense.

RAVENS at JAGUARS

Last week, Alex made the mistake of putting his faith in Jacksonville. He’s become more wise since then. It’s a unanimous pick for the Ravens.

STEELERS at BEARS

C’mon bruh. C’mon. It’s the Steelers all day.

NFL week 3 football picks
“If I cover my face they won’t know it’s me. What do you mean my name is on my shirt?!”

BUCANNERS at VIKINGS

A lack of Sam Bradford leaves this one in favor of Tampa Bay. If only that guy could stay healthy for a season of football… we all agree it’s the Bucs’ game to lose.

DOLPHINS at JETS

Last week, Page made the brave choice and took the ‘Fins as her winner… and she was right! This week, we’re all making the completely safe choice over the Jets. It’s the Dolphins this week on a unanimous vote.

FALCONS at LIONS

This one’s got a real chance to be the most exciting game of the week! Two powerhouse offenses squaring off in what we hope will be some high-flying football action. Still, the Falcons are on a revenge tour, and this is their next stop.

BRONCOS at BILLS

Do you even have to ask? No, you don’t. All three of us have our money on Denver.

NFL week 3 picks football
“Just hold the helmet. Try not to cry… try harder to smile. SMILE DAMMIT…”

SAINTS at PANTHERS

Or as we’ll call it afterwards: How Cammy Got His Groove Back. The Panthers are going to right the ship with this nice, safe practice against a semi-live opponent. Even the loss of Greg Olsen won’t be enough to help the Saints.

BROWNS at COLTS

And you thought the Rams/Niners would be bad. This is the official Dumpster Fire of the Week! And in true fashion, we have no idea what will happen. D.T. and Alex take the Browns and Page takes the Colts. But whoever wins, we lose.

TEXANS at PATRIOTS

Yeah, that Texans defense is stingy, but Gronk swears he’s healthy and Tom’s back on track after stepping on New Orleans’ back. That’s enough for us to give New England a unanimous choice.

GIANTS at EAGLES

Eli ain’t lookin’ so good, and the OBJ factor may have been totally exposed. We take the Eagles based on them being a more well-rounded team with more life in them. Carson Wentz in particular should have a great game.

NFL week 2 football picks
His face is pretty much just stuck like that now.

SEAHAWKS at TITANS

In what we think could be the upset of the week, we take the Titans. The Seahawks are struggling, and the Titans are really coming into their own. This is a chance for Mariota and crew to establish their legitimacy.

CHIEFS at CHARGERS

No dispute here: the Chiefs are the better team. Kareem Hunt and Tyreek Hill will lead the charge, while Alex Smith stands up to Joey Bosa and Melvin Ingram. However, Melvin Gordon is definitely going to get D.T. like 20 fantasy points.

NFL week 3 football picks
Yeah, pretty much.

BENGALS at PACKERS

It’s time for the Marvin Lewis era to end, and we three agree. And if rumors are believed, apparently so do the Bengals players themselves. Aaron Rodgers will lead the Packers in a confident campaign against a completely discombobulated Cincinnati squad.

RAIDERS at REDSKINS

An Alliteration Celebration! D.T. and Alex both take the Raiders while Page is confident in a Redskins victory. The boys will be dancin’ like Marshawn when we’re right.

nfl week 3 picks football
D.T. totally has sweeter dance moves though. For real.

COWBOYS at CARDINALS

Arizona just ain’t got it. It’ll be a chance for the Cowboys to rebound on the national stage, and a chance for the Cardinals to seriously reconsider their quarterback situation.

NFL week 3 football picks
We’re probably gonna see a lot of this…

What do YOU think about this week’s football games?

Are we as irrefutably correct as we think we are, or are we totally wrong? Let us know which picks you agree with, and which ones you think Page is totally wrong about in the comments below!

D.T. Carel

Lover of movies, football, beer and games.

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