What a weird first week of football.
No, really. One game was postponed entirely — not because Planet Earth wouldn’t allow it, but because the NFL wouldn’t. Both the Bucs and Dolphins were willing to relocate their football game to a secondary location and play on another day last week and the league said no.
The reigning Super Bowl champs were absolutely trounced. Several stars — including Chiefs Safety Eric Berry and Cardinals Running back David Johnson — had their seasons cut tragically short. And Sam Bradford was the most exciting QB to watch.
This is gonna be a weird season, folks. Let’s dive into this strange time in football together!
TEXANS at BENGALS
All three of us thought for sure the Texans defense would take Jacksonville’s offense to task. And yet it was the other way around: the Jags – lead by free agent acquisition Calais Campbell – wreaked absolute havoc and contained Houston to seven points. On the flipside, Page and I are definitely more football smart than Alex, who thought the Bengals would beat the Ravens. But they went scoreless. Too bad, Alex. and too bad, Bengals. I have no fucking idea who will be the worse team this week.
DT: Bengals? • Alex: Bengals • Page: Bengals!
BROWNS at RAVENS
Is it better to get all these divisional beat-downs out of the way early, or stretch them out over the season? There might be light at the end of the tunnel in week 3, when the Browns take on Indy. But then again, it’s Cleveland: Luck would probably come back, magically rejuvenated and throw for 400 yards and six touchdowns. Anyway, Ravens got this.
D.T.: Ravens • Alex: Ravens • Page: Ravens
BEARS at BUCCANEERS
Well, I hope the Bucs are nice and rested after their… week one… bye week. Because they’re taking on a Bears squad that shocked the world by holding their own pretty well against the 2017 NFC Champs. But, that Bears defense made some key errors that Matt Ryan exploited for all their worth, and sealed the deal on a surprisingly good football game. I kind of think the trend will keep going though, and Jameis Winston and Mike Evans will find a way.
D.T.: Bucs • Alex: Bucs • Page: Bucs
VIKINGS at STEELERS
Holy shit, Vikings. It’s going to be the question everyone asks, but are you that good or are the Saints that bad? This week will be a true test for Bradford and friends, when they visit Heinz Field. Stefon Diggs put on a show for his hero and yours, Randy Moss, and Dalvin Cook had himself a very good debut at 127 yards.
But again… the Saints were a hot mess and nothing seemed to work for them. Vikings, don’t get discouraged, but I don’t think you’re going 2-0 against Big Ben, Bell and AB.
D.T.: Steelers • Alex: Steelers • Page: Steelers
PATRIOTS at SAINTS
Speaking of real tests. If Brady can’t get it done this week, it might be time for Pats fans to start panicking. Seriously, the Vikings made absolute fools of the Saints defense, who often looked confused and disconnected while trying to line up, much less keep their assignments and stop plays. Even without Edelman and possibly Amendola, Brady should feast like Augustus Gloop.
D.T.: Patriots • Alex: Patriots • Page: Patriots
EAGLES at CHIEFS
Alex beat us both out on his prediction last week that the Eagles would beat the Redskins. That was pretty smart, Alex. Carson Wentz brought back some of that magic from the first half of his rookie year and the Eagles looked way more composed and comfortable than the Patriots looked last week. Still, Alex Smith appears to be on a mission, Tyreek Hill is a phenomenon and that defense… man, that defense. I gotta go Chiefs this week.
D.T.: Chiefs • Alex: Chiefs • Page:
TITANS at JAGUARS
Another match-up that, if you asked me my opinion a week ago, I… well, my answer would be the same, but I’d think about it less. Jacksonville stunned everyone last week by dismantling the Texans. But, and I’m sorry Houston because you guys have been through a lot and Watt is great, it’s the Texans.
Yeah, they made the playoffs last season, but they’re in a dumpster fire of a division that must send someone to the playoffs. The Titans look good. They lost to the Raiders last week, but the Jaguars are no 2017 Raiders, folks.
D.T.: Titans • Alex: Jaguars • Page: Titans
CARDINALS at COLTS
I have no fucking idea. David Johnson is looking at two or three months of downtime after a wrist dislocation. Carson Palmer looked frazzled, uncomfortable and threw three interceptions. The Cardinals defense looked decent in the first half. And there’s always Larry Fitzgerald, but as Cardinals fans know all too well, an okay defense and one Wide Receiver do not a team make. Then again, Andrew Luck is likely still out, and Chuck Pagano didn’t even know which fucking team he lost to last week.
For real. Pagano lost to the Rams this week, and he thought they were the Niners. I guess this is a chance for the Cardinals to bounce back. If it’s not, it’s time to make adjustments and bench Carson Palmer.
D.T.: Cardinals • Alex: Cardinals • Page: Cardinals
BILLS at PANTHERS
D.T.: Panthers • Alex: Panthers • Page: Panthers
JETS at RAIDERS
D.T.: Raiders • Alex: Raiders • Page: Raiders
DOLPHINS at CHARGERS
Yeah… sorry, Fins fans. I don’t have much faith in Jay Cutler’s ability to lead the Dolphins to a victory this week. Especially against a Chargers squad that rallied on Monday night, gave the Chargers a run for their money, and nearly forced the game into overtime. Rivers looked good on the field…
…throwing for nearly 200 yards and three touchdowns. Melvin Gordon went to work, and the rest of the squad looked flawed, but formidable. Miami is now an unknown quantity. They could surprise is, but I’m not expecting it.
D.T.: Chargers • Alex: Chargers • Page: Dolphins
NINERS at SEAHAWKS
Yeah, that shit ain’t happening, San Francisco. I mean, let’s be honest. Even if it weren’t for the huge disparity between teams, Seattle is going to be looking to rebound after their disappointment in Green Bay. It’s gonna be ugly.
D.T.: Seahawks • Alex: Seahawks • Page: Seahawks
REDSKINS at RAMS
Yeah, that Rams defense was absolutely dominant last week. That’s enough to convince Page and Alex that they’ll win again this week, but I’m not convinced. Stomping the shit out of the Colts as they currently are is not a massive victory, and the Redskins offense will offer an honest challenge. I think Kirk Cousins leads them to victory.
D.T.: Redskins • Alex: Rams • Page: Rams
COWBOYS at BRONCOS
So, the Broncos beat the Chargers on Monday night, but just barely. Things look good for Denver until they didn’t, and a big part of that was Melvin Gordon’s performance. And if the Broncos had trouble containing Melvin Gordon, they’re going to have all 22 hands full with Ezekiel Elliot.
He’s a monster of a downhill runner, and that Dallas offensive line is going to put that Denver defense to the test. My prediction is an exciting, tough game for both sides… but a narrow Dallas victory. And when Alex reads this, his reaction will be something like…
D.T.: Cowboys • Alex: Broncos • Page: Cowboys
PACKERS at FALCONS
Tossing his helmet around and sulking wasn’t a good look for Aaron Rodgers on Sunday, but I fear he’ll be doing more of it in week 2. Don’t get me wrong: I think this one will be the highest-scoring affair of the week by a country mile. But I also think it’s going to end up in Atlanta’s favor. The Falcons are a more complete team, and a win in their home opener is a must to christen the new digs. Still, expect this to be a gunfight of the highest order, and for both teams to work hard to set the tone for their seasons. Game of the week here, folks.
D.T.: Falcons • Alex: Falcons • Page: Falcons
LIONS at GIANTS
So, the Giants were exposed right off the bat on Sunday. Eli Manning looked to be at a severe disadvantage without OBJ on the field. Whether Beckham plays this week remains to be seen, and whether he’ll have much impact is now just as much of a question.
Brandon Marshall was made irrelevant, and it’ll be interesting to see if Eli can find some chemistry with him — because now Corners know full well that if Beckham is covered, both sides of the field can be locked down. On the flipside, the Lions had a strong showing against Arizona on both sides of the ball, and they’re going to be looking to keep the good times rollin’ this week. We’re all in agreement that they will.
D.T.: Lions • Alex: Lions • Page: Lions
And that does it for week two! There are more football games in week three, if you can believe it! But in the meantime, let us know if you know more about football than us in the comments below, or tackle our FORUMS like you’re Khalil Mack!