“Legendary Bitch Face” – NFL Week 4 Picks!

We definitely didn’t forget about this week’s football column!

We promise! It’s just been a busy week. You know how it is. The SNES Classic just came out (and we got one). Work deadlines piled up. This week’s football video was right on time, so no complaining! But we are coming down to the wire, so let’s cut right to the chase, shall we?

BEARS at PACKERS

Chicago, Chicago, Chicago… No, those aren’t our picks. That’s me lamenting yet another wasted season and yet another vacancy at QB waiting to happen. We thought maybe they’d show some life after that win against the Steelers, but it was a fluke… Was that three lost fumbles in the first quarter on Thursday night against the Pack? It’s Trubisky time, Coach Fox. And it’s also time for someone besides Coach Fox.

D.T.: Packers | Page: Packers | Alex: Packers

SAINTS at DOLPHINS

We agreed across the board on this one. The ‘Fins may have started out hot, but Cutler is showing us all the Cutler we know and… well, love isn’t the word. I hope you’re enjoying these awful football games London, because we sure as shit aren’t.

D.T.: Saints | Page: Saints| Alex: Saints

PANTHERS at PATRIOTS

Carolina’s got problems. Cam Newton clearly came back too early after his shoulder surgery, and his bad performance trickles down to the rest of that offense’s ability to move the football. And with Kelvin Benjamin alternating between irrelevant and injured, it’s up to the run game to handle business. But it’s Foxborough, and Brady is in peak form. Maybe next week, Carolina…

D.T.: Patriots | Page: Patriots | Alex: Patriots

JAGUARS at JETS

We’re all going Jags. I mean, if you really want to read about this game, I’m sure someone out there cared enough to slap something together. But there are beers out there in the world, waiting for us.

D.T.: Jaguars | Page: Jaguars | Alex: Jaguars

TITANS at TEXANS

We hot on them Titans, y’all. Yeah, that Texans defense is stout, but Tennessee has amassed too many weapons, including one of the best running games in the league. It’ll be a solid, fun divisional match-up, but we all agree that the Titans will stick it out.

D.T.: Titans | Page: Titans | Alex: Titans

STEELERS at RAVENS

You don’t get blown out by the Jaguars in London and recover quickly. And on the flip-side, you don’t lose a narrow game to Chicago and not come back swinging. That’s our reasoning for the Steelers mopping the floor with the Ravens this week. Take it or leave it! Please take it, and keep coming back for more…?

D.T.: Steelers | Page: Steelers | Alex: Steelers

BROWNS at BENGALS

The Battle of Ohio! Whoever wins this horrible football game… I guess wins Ohio? Hell of a prize… Anyway, I went against the grain and I say the Browns rule Ohio today, and the Bengals continue their descent into sadness.

D.T.: Browns | Page: Bengals | Alex: Bengals

LIONS at VIKINGS

Page and Alex think the Vikings will continue to be a solid home team, while I think the Lions are going to come in and piss on the carpet. Matt Stafford is playing really well, and I think that offense comes through over that formidable Vikings secondary. Book it!

D.T.: Lions | Page: Vikings | Alex: Vikings

RAMS at COWBOYS

The Rams may be the highest scoring team in football right now, and Goff may finally be coming into his own. But that doesn’t make them a better team than Dallas. Expect a fair number of scores, a stiff match-up in the trenches, and a Cowboys victory.

D.T.: Cowboys | Page: Cowboys | Alex: Cowboys

BILLS at FALCONS

C’mon. C’mon. Yeah, the Bills are a freaky team and unpredictable, but you can bank on a Falcons win at home today.

D.T.: Falcons | Page: Falcons | Alex: Falcons

EAGLES at CHARGERS

That Chargers defense is stacked, but they can’t seem to find a way to put it together. And against that Eagles offense – finally finding strong footing as a unit capable of moving the football – they’ll continue to struggle. And with Melvin Gordon kind of maybe, possible sort of injured perhaps? The Chargers immediate future is clouded.

D.T.: Eagles | Page: Eagles | Alex: Eagles

NINERS at CARDINALS

Page remains faithful to the Cardinals while Alex and I side with The Faithful. The Cardinals just don’t have it this year, and if they fail in this literal do or die football game, then it’s time to hang it up. Start figuring out how to fix that (literally) broken offensive line, and start planning for the QB of the future.

D.T.: Niners | Page: Cardinals | Alex: Niners

GIANTS at BUCCANEERS

Shit’s kinda fucked up in New York right now. They’re coming into this tough, week three match-up winless. Will that fuel the fire and create a desperation to win, or are they demoralized and down for the count? The real issue is, I think Eli Manning is already in the latter camp, and that sets the tone for the entire team. It’s the Bucs today, and some heavy shit going down in NY’s front office next week.

D.T.: BUCS | Page: BUCS | Alex: BUCS

RAIDERS at BRONCOS

Game of the week for sure, folks! This one is a bitter, hated, long-standing rivalry in the NFL and it’s the first time in a long time both teams are shaping up to be contenders. This is an early game but still quite possibly a deciding factor in the AFC West division. But, they’re in Mile High. That’s sacred ground, and there’s no (El)way in hell the Broncos let the Black Hole soil their chapel. Expect penalties. Blood. Expect a narrow Broncos win.

D.T.: Broncos | Page: Broncos | Alex: Broncos

COLTS at SEAHAWKS

Yeah, that shit ain’t happenin’. Enjoy your bye week, Seattle!

D.T.: Seahawks | Page: Seahawks | Alex: Seahawks

REDSKINS at CHIEFS

The Redskins look pretty good, in all honesty. But the Chiefs are on a rampage, with one of the most prolific offenses in the league. Alex Smith finally has the right team around him, and he’s giving it giving it everything he’s got. We expect the Chiefs to take another win this time around, and keep that AFC West division angry and competitive.

D.T.: Chiefs | Page: Chiefs | Alex: Chiefs

So, That’s Week Four of Football.

And we’re sorry this part of the coverage was late. Well, I’m sorry. Page is a busy woman, Alex is a week out from getting married, and I was just a lazy slouch. So, no pretty pictures this week, but you did get a nice and quick reference with which to lose all your money and bomb out in your confidence league! So you’re welcome! Forums are still down for the time being, but leave your thoughts in our fancy new comments section below, or hit up Youtube, and tell us we’re dumb over there! Love you!

D.T. Carel

Lover of movies, football, beer and games.

dtcarel has 51 posts and counting.See all posts by dtcarel